At 12:01 a.m. on Sunday, July 1 on the East Coast, NBA free agency began and things have been absolutely crazy so far. I know what you’re thinking, Kentavious Caldwell Pope went where?? OK maybe that isn’t exactly the move you were interested in but I am going to list all, or at least most, of the free agency moves along with my comments (sometimes about basketball, sometimes not) about my favorites.
NEW FACES, NEW PLACES
LeBron James — Los Angeles Lakers, 4-years $153.3M: This one is wild, even though Vegas kept increasing the Lakers’ odds of landing Lebron every couple of days, I really didn’t think he would leave the Eastern Conference. LeBron is always a game-changer and I’m beyond pumped to be able to watch him play many times next year, but that roster, as it is presently constructed, is going to have trouble making the playoffs even with LeBron. I really hope they add some perimeter shooting around LeBron.
JaVale McGee — Los Angeles Lakers, 1-year veteran minimum: JaVale is like a 7-foot tall JR Smith but instead of forgetting the score he just misses dunks even though he can probably get his chest as high as the rim. Definitely not a shooter.
Seth Curry — Portland Trail Blazers, 2-years $2.75M: Not that Curry, this is his younger brother.
Julius Randle — New Orleans Pelicans, 2-years $18M: My favorite thing about Julius Randle is that he spins like an alligator doing a death roll almost every time he drives right and tries to get back to his left hand.
Lance Stephenson — Los Angeles Lakers, 1-year $4.5M: They really signed the guy that blew in LeBron’s ear?
DeMarcus Cousins — Golden State Warriors, 1-year $5.3M: The backlash of this signing had me scrolling through Twitter and Facebook with tears in my eyes. Why are you all so mad? Sports is always so funny to me, listen, being mad at Boogie Cousins and accusing him of being “soft” and “not wanting to compete” and going on a tirade about how the NBA is rigged really says more about yourself and your life than anything else. Who among us wouldn’t leave a situation that we deemed not right for us for a seemingly perfect situation in life? Or maybe that’s just it, maybe it strikes a cord with some but that doesn’t mean you should be a hater. Be mad at your team’s management and scouting department for not building a team and a culture that is alluring to free agents. Remember, the Warriors drafted Curry, Thompson, and Draymond Green then added Kevin Durant. As for parody, the NBA has always been run by dynasties, do your research before you try and make that point. Also if the Rockets don’t miss 27 straight 3-pointers we might not even be having this conversation.
Rajon Rondo — Los Angeles Lakers, 1-year $9M: Hmm he really doesn’t like to shoot.
DeAndre Jordan — Dallas Mavericks, 1-year $24M: They finally got him, and didn’t even have to kidnap him this time.
Marco Belinelli — San Antonio Spurs, 2-years $12M: Based purely on the way he looks and nothing else, I assume that Belinelli enjoys a couple of Camel Lights at halftime of each game.
Derrick Rose — Minnesota Timberwolves, 1-year: My least favorite Derrick Rose thing is whenever he does something really crazy athletic somebody in the back always goes, “He used to always do that.”
Chris Paul — Houston Rockets, 4-years $160M: I was really hoping for a Banana Boat reunion with Paul, Carmelo Anthony, James and Dwyane Wade but I guess that will never happen.
Paul George — Oklahoma City Thunder, 4-years $137M: Fun fact: Paul George played high school basketball in California and one time he played Atascadero and dunked on one of my friends. I’m very pro-Paul George because of this.
Aaron Gordon — Orlando Magic, 4-years $84M: I’m going
This is for my dedicated World Cup fans. Oh my lord did you see that Japan versus Belgium game? The second half of that game was pure heroin. Five spectacular goals in 50 minutes, one coming with literally 10 seconds on the clock, and a range of emotions like nothing I had ever seen (poor Japan, I found myself rooting for them as the game went on). I felt like I needed a smoke after the game just to calm my nerves. This World Cup has truly been one of the best of all time, in fact, this is the first time in World Cup history that three games in the round of 16 have gone to penalty kick shootouts.
My World Cup prediction: France