Calling all sports parents


Help get your kid(s) in the newspaper

Do high school kids care about being featured in the newspaper anymore? I think absolutism in anything is horrible (like you definitely shouldn't eat only OREOs, but you also shouldn't not eat OREOs) so I wont say no or yes, but that’s exactly what I’m doing actually, I’m saying no. I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that younger generations are reading less and less and aren't interested in anything that doesn't show up on their 2”x4” mini computer they have attached to their hand, or that fact that we all constantly receive our information instantaneously and don't necessarily need to wait until the morning, but one thing I do know is that moms, dads, grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles and that weird family friend that you refer to as your cousin (even though there is absolutely no relation) do still love seeing familiar faces in the newspaper.

Well, we have a page in the sports section of the paper that is called the Superfan. It's a fun section where I’ll ask a high school athlete a couple questions about themselves then post those answers with a picture of them. Is that confusing? See page B2 for an example. I’ll wait while you check it out… Looks nice doesn't it? Well, finding these Superfans is one of the most tedious parts of my job each week. I recently realized that I am basically fishing with a single line when I could just drop a stick of dynamite into the water.

So here is what I'm going to do: I am going to post each of the questions that I ask each athlete in bold, in this article, while I continue to ramble about nonsense 1.Name and if you are a parent who wants to see your child in the paper, you can have them answer these questions and email the answers to me with a picture of your 2. Grade son/daughter. My email is [email protected]. I think this is a fun way for parents to help get their children into the 3. Sport you play newspaper.

Now for random babbling about sports. Has anyone else ever noticed how weird/funny it is that baseball managers wear the 4. Position you play the same uniforms as their players? I think that, effective immediately, all coaches should have to wear the uniforms their players wear 5. Jersey number. I mean sports is entertainment, that’s its main function, that’s why it’s on TV, that’s why ESPN can literally show sports 24/7. 6. Favorite color. Picture a middle aged football coach in full gear, helmet included, trying to call plays. He or she 7. Little know fact holding their call sheet up to the light, then down by their side, then at eye level as they strain to see what they wrote 8. Hobby. Or how about a basketball coach wearing a tank top and old faded tube socks where the elastic has worn out and that look tan, but you’re pretty certain used to be white 9. Favorite college or professional team scolding his players for poor defense. 10. Favorite food What about swimming? I don't care who you are, I don't need to paint a picture for that, but I will. Swim meets 11. Favorite school subject already look like an competition between different 12. Favorite teacher  species of water dwelling aliens. The 13. Nickname slick almost scaly skin (the bathing suit), the wrinkled 14. Plans after high school  heads from the swim caps, the long tear drop shaped eyes that pull back the skin on their faces with no pupil.  Now 15. Role model picture the head alien barking out 16. Favorite quote orders, with a whistle in one hand, stop watch in the other and a swim cap and goggles on. 17. GPA. OK maybe this isn't the greatest idea, maybe this is an awful idea, but now you have all the questions, so if you want your son or daughter's face in the newspaper you know what to do.

More In Columns